The Clan of the Cave Bear (1986)


“You want to be a leader, Broud, but a man who hits his people can never lead the Clan. ” – Brun

Number of Times Seen – at least twice (Cable in the 80’s and 3 Sep 2020)

Brief Synopsis – A young Cro-Magnon girl is raised by a group of Neanderthals.

My Take on it – This is a film that I recall seeing as a kid on cable yet didn’t remember anything about it besides the fact that it stars Daryl Hannah.

The story is presented in a really boring fashion and not much really happens throughout.

The grunts and growls of the characters don’t help make things more comprehensible and even the subtitles don’t allow us to get a better understanding of it all.

The film’s narration is a bit helpful, but it makes the viewer feel less immersed in all that is transpiring.

This is based on an award winning novel and the problem here is that the transfer to screen just doesn’t work as well as things probably do on the page because they are able to expand on the explanations of everything that happens.

The story is paced really slowly and that also hurts things far too much.

I constantly was waiting for something interesting to happen and it never did.

The talented cast is completely disguised under heavy makeup and the only one who is even remotely recognizable is Hannah because of her blond hair and light skin tone.

This is a film that I can honestly say was a complete waste of time to watch, thankfully, it’s only slightly over 90 minutes.

Bottom Line –  Extremely boring film that makes little sense even if the various grunts by the characters are subtitled. The story is probably much more effective in the novel where things can be explained in much more detailed and competent fashion.  The narration is somewhat helpful, but even that doesn’t allow the viewer to get immersed in the story. The pacing is really slow and I was constantly waiting for something interesting to actually happen along the way.  The cast is completely disguised under the heavy makeup and besides Hannah, they are all unrecognizable.  A complete waste of time.

MovieRob’s Favorite Trivia – A planned back-to-back sequel never made it into production. (From IMDB)

Rating – Razzie Worthy (2/10)

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